It isn't enough that God gave us this wonderful thing called a sex drive, but then he had to add on to it the fallibility of falling in love.
All of my life I have sought two things. Good love and good sex. I have found plenty of the latter and none of the former. Sometimes I tried to equate the latter with the former but found that they did not seem to make good bed partners. Go figure.
A cruel trick of this thing that He gave us led me to complete and utter heartbreak, but, after so much experience with heartbreak, I guess it is something I can live with. The problem with that is assuming that one is going to live with it until he dies, given the history.
A couple of close friends of mine share something in common with me in this regard, for the moment. Both have found someone they really wanted and liked and both were summarily rejected. At least one of them did not have to go through the humiliation of constant sex with the object of their desire only to have them leave, and for that she should consider herself lucky. Both, like me, think it is all bullshit, and are afraid to try. They think it is something they did, as I did.
My experience with love led me to believe I would never find what I really sought. True love. I think I was wrong, and I think it is staring me in the face, but the inner part of me, the Great Cynic, who hates all of you, as well as I, for our foibles, tells me that it is just another pipe dream.
The Cynic could be right, but, however, the signs are there. The signs as laid down by the great romance writers of the centuries. Why shouldn't I believe the signs? I'll tell you why the Cynic doesn't. Because society is full of bullshit cliches and idealistic garbage about how things are supposed to be, and with all of this jumble of crap being pounded into our heads from the day we stepped into society with our nappy rug.
I have to wait and see. The Cynic has always been the major stockholder and with good reason. He always calls it right. I hope this time he doesn't.
The Cynic can't win 'em all...
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